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Holding Her Inside Me

 "Did we become doctor"? "Why do you seem to be a housewife"? She asked, her voice heavy and full of fear. "I am doing pre-med, I am working so hard," she continues "What happened?" I felt something heavy in my chest. I looked at her, and that's when I noticed she was fading. "Why aren't you answering?" Her voice softened. "I cracked the medical test and took admission in college," I said slowly.  But...," I stopped. "But what?" she asked   "I was struggling every day to keep you alive. I didn't feel the happiness I was supposed to feel I was supposed to feel" She didn't understand  “I studied so hard in my final year…” “But I was managing marriage… exams… and you…” I looked at her. “You were almost gone by then.” “Every day… You were fading,” I whispered. “And I was trying to hold you… and study at the same time.” “My whole university life… I was struggling.” “With studies…” “...

When I Met My 15-Year-Old Self

 I slid the curtain. She was standing outside the window.  It took me a minute to recognize her—those curious, restless eyes. How could I forget her? A fifteen-year-old with extremely expressive eyes, a girl who believed in idealism in everything. She looked at me, curious, almost suspicious. “Who are you?” she asked. I smiled, with tears in my eyes. “I am you… Twenty-two years later.” She laughed. “That’s impossible.” “Not really,” I said softly. “You and I are just separated by time.” She kept looking at me for several minutes, quiet, questioning eyes, as if she couldn’t believe that I could be her.  She had never thought she would turn out to be like me after 22 years.  She studied me carefully, searching for something. She expected to find something, perhaps greatness, perhaps perfection, perhaps a life that proved all her dreams had come true. But what she saw was indeed different; her talking eyes couldn’t tell me what she was thinking. “You look stron...

In the Hope of Being Heard

Whenever I see the world, many thoughts flow through my mind.  I have a lot of questions about everything, about life, about everything that happens around me, and sometimes even answers to the questions people raise—but they can’t hear my voice. The questions raised on social media, questions that arise in a space far from me, some development that I want to discuss, but I have no medium. Sometimes I write my thoughts on simple paper, but they get lost. Other times, I keep them in my mind, hoping to discuss them with someone who understands. I think about things like why we learn so much about honesty in school, but don’t practice it in the real world. Where does the gap lie between learning and executing? Why do people know what is right, yet still choose what is easy or beneficial for them? Is it the system, the environment, or something inside us that changes when we step out of school and into real life? Most of the time, I don’t find anyone to discuss them with. People today...